3 Prerequisites for real change – (part 3)

We’ve already covered steps 1 and 2 – Will, and Humility.  Now it’s time to move on to step #3…

 3. Obedience

This one really just tops-off the first two.  If you are really willing to do ANYTHING to see change happen in your life, and you are willing to humble yourself before God in order to do it… then this one should be the easy one.  You simply follow through on what you are supposed to do – by obeying what God has said in His word or though His Spirit’s leading in regard to that subject.

But obedience is seldom that easy – is it?  Just ask any 10 year old son, who has a bazillion thoughts in his head at once and tons of energy to go along with it, and a mom who’s giving him something to do.  So many things can knock you off track.  Let’s list some of the more common ones…

• Distractions (something more appealing vies for the attention that needs to be focused on the obedience)
• Preferences (you’d simply rather do something else)
• Emotions (you’ve been through this before and it hurt – BAD, so you want to avoid that again if at all possible)
• Doubt (you aren’t sure that what God is saying to do is REALLY the way you should go)
• Stubborn-ness (you didn’t realize you’d have to go THAT far to really see this thing change)
• Other truly important things (family, career, finances, etc.  It’s not just the frivolous things that make it hard for us to obey)

Here’s an example of how this might work out…

A husband and wife have been counseling for some time with their Pastor.  It has become clear to all of them that the husband has been harsh and demeaning toward his wife for years and he’s going to need to change that behavior.  The husband sees it and admits it – and does want to change (see the will and the humility in that?)

It’s also become clear that the wife needs to begin working at encouraging her husband, building him up, making him feel like he really CAN lead the family.  She recognizes how she’s been lax in those areas and wants to begin making changes (again, see the will and humility?).

But there are some problems.  Since he’s never treated her like she’s truly important or valuable to him, the wife is having a very difficult time getting around the offense and hurt that she feels toward him.  She wants to do what is right, but her wounds are screaming out for her not to do this.  She simply doesn’t trust him – yet.  The husband’s got some similar issues – his wife has been kind of a nag, in fact she treats him just like his mother used to treat him – and in his mind, that’s plenty of reason to treat her the way he does.  So he’s got his own emotional reasons for not wanting to do what he has come to realize needs to be done.

It’s at those places that the issue of obedience comes to the forefront.  Are we going to do what God wants us to do – NO MATTER HOW DIFFICULT IT MAY BE – or are we going to effectively look Him in the eye and say, “I hear what You are saying, Lord.  I even understand why it’s the right thing for me to do.  But I’m not going to obey You in this – I’m just not.”

There is no getting around the fact that we are winding up in that exact place when we refuse to go where we know we should.

So there they are – will, humility, and finally obedience.  When you combine the three, you will see change happening in your life that brings health, blessing, and joy.  When you drop the ball on any one of them, you’ll see your life stall out and lose its momentum.

Having said all that – it’s God who is at work in us, to will and to do His good pleasure.  Keep that in mind and ask yourself, “How can I learn better to cooperate with Him as He is doing His will in me?”

3 Prerequisites for real change – (part 2)

I’m writing these 3 posts based on thoughts I’ve had over the years concerning lasting change.  What is the difference between the times we are really able to make a lasting change and the times we seemingly try with the same amount of energy, but are unable to make it last?   The first thing I mentioned was “will.”  We have to be willing to pay the price the see the changes take place – no matter what that price may be…  now on to number two…

2. Humility

I don’t think I’m able to express the importance of this one strongly enough.  The times I’ve seen true change happen, the quality of humility was very evident in the person who did the changing.  Here’s what God has to say about it…

God opposes the proud but gives grace to the humble. Humble yourselves, therefore, under God’s mighty hand, that he may lift you up in due time. (James 4:5-6)

Walk through that passage with me, slowly.

• God – the Almighty.  The One who created all that is and keeps it all in motion.  He opposes proud people.
• Logical thinking here – is that the type of opponent we want?
• Humble yourselves – it’s OUR responsibility to ensure that we are properly humble before Him.  We’ll unpack some of what that means in a second.
• He WILL lift you up – it seems that James is saying that just as God is an opponent of those who are proud, He’s also an advocate for those we are humble.  Sorry Benjamin Franklin, but it seems “God helps those who cannot help themselves.” (Music trivia – 100 points – What accomplished country singer/songwriter wrote a song by that name?)

It seems pretty clear that humility is the way to go – if you care at all about having God in your corner.  Let’s take it a bit farther… did you notice that James didn’t say Christians were excluded from that truth?  In other words, God will even oppose a Christian who is proud.

So if God opposes the proud, what is considered “proud?”

Here’s where it gets difficult, because we all tend to whitewash ourselves to the extent that it is next to impossible to see ourselves rightly.  And pride is like termites – it’s there, eating away at you without you even knowing it.  But to be proud in the way God is speaking of, is to be too confident in your own abilities, too sure of yourself – as opposed to being dependent on God.  An example may be helpful.

Proud people typically have a very hard time admitting their needs, wrongs, or short-comings.  In marriage counseling it’s often the hardest part to convince an insensitive husband or a nagging wife that they really are insensitive or nagging, because their pride will not allow them to see themselves in such a negative light.  Proud people often are so sure that their way of thinking about a certain issue is the right way of thinking that they won’t truly listen to other opinions with a genuine desire to understand and find the truth.  Pride isn’t about truth, it’s about self-protection.  That’s why the Lord says in 1 Corinthians 10:12 that pride comes before a fall (a disaster, a hardship, a huge mistake).  Pride leads us to continue doing things the way we’ve always done things – come hell or high water… and often both are what show up on our doorstep as a result!

To contrast, what is a humble person like?  Contrary to popular belief, a humble person is not a doormat for others to walk on.  A humble person is not one who walks through life denying their strengths for the sake of seeming humble.  Take a look at Jesus.  He humbled Himself and we are told to have the very same attitude – but that doesn’t mean that He downplayed who He was or backed down when faced with a difficult situation.  If He had, we’d all still be in our sins because He wouldn’t have followed through with the agony of the cross.

A humble person is one who is willing to see themselves realistically – however flawed or competent that may be.  A humble person is willing to hear somebody else out – to consider that the perceptions other people have about situations, and about them, may be right.  A humble person is willing to figuratively bow before the people they have injured and confess their wrong.  A humble person is wise enough to know that they don’t, and never will have it all together.  Once you realize that, you can more easily be real with other people.  They’ve known for a long time that you aren’t perfect, and once you humble yourself, you’re able to admit it too…

Are you beginning to see why God is an advocate of humble people?  Here’s how I see it…

When you couple the truth that God has given us a will (from the last post) with the quality of pride, you get a person who will do anything and everything to out-do, out-last or out-fight someone else (co-worker, spouse, etc.).  It has nothing to do with reality, or truth – it only has to do with self-preservation.  But when you combine the truth of human will with the quality of humility, you get a person who is willing (by their own choice) to change and to be changed.  That’s because they are willing to look at the cold, hard truth about who they are – to confess it, and admit that they need change.  That’s why lasting change can’t come in the life of a proud person.  The proud person will never do that, because they think that the way they are, dysfunctions and all (though they have an exruciatingly hard time admitting they even have dysfunctions), are OK just like they are.

So,

#1 – you have to be willing to do whatever is needed to change.  #2 You have to humble yourself before God (and your spouse if it’s marital conflict that is going on).  These are the first 2 steps to seeing lasting change in your life begin.

Prerequisite #3 is coming up soon…